Let's say you've been seeing someone for a few weeks now, but you're not exactly sure how serious the relationship is getting. You want the person you're dating to let you know so you ask, "What are we doing?"
How to "DTR" without fucking it up. That is the question.— Kristine Sanchez (@KrissyAbrego96) January 9, 2018
Congratulations. You just asked to D.T.R. or define the relationship. Yup, the most awkward part of a relationship now has a name. And relationship experts are sounding off about how you go about bringing it up.
how fast or how slow a couple move in a relationship does not define the relationship. if they want to wait 2 days to make things official, so be it. if they want to wait 2 years, let them be.— bailey baker (@bayxbaker) January 9, 2018
Relationships author and marriage life coach Shellie R. Warre told ThisisInsider.com that, "if you have to ask yourself 'what are we doing?,' deep down you know your answer, whether you verbalize it or not."
That's not saying that the relationship can morph into something, but if you know it's not serious, you should be ready to accept it.
Cosmo lays out the perfect to have the conversation. The relationship mag says you should be upfront and straight about what you're looking for, and never be ashamed if you want something more serious than someone's willing to give. They also suggest not getting emotional and letting them know you have other offers.
Cosmo says you shouldn't settle for someone "just looking for a good time," if that's not what you want. And if he or she says they're also confused about the relationship, set a time limit. Let them know if you guys can't DTR within a few weeks, it's not something you want to continue doing.
It's a tough conversation to have, but it’s one that needs to be had.