2017 has been a terrible year for the film industry.
From bad movies to even worse scandals, it's safe to say this has been a ROUGH year in entertainment. It's been so bad in fact, this was originally supposed to be a top 5 movie fails listical but we're going for an easy 10, so buckle up because 2017 sucked.
The Emoji Movie
This is the movie that asks, "What would it look like if your favorite emojis had lives, and jobs, and relationships?"
The answer? Nothing you'd be willing to pay money to see.
This movie is so formulaic that it was likely written using an iPhone's predictive word function. The easy, low-brow jokes are punctuated by out-of-date app references and celebrity cameos so bad they could've been good -- but they're not. Sir Patrick Stewart playing the poop emoji is nothing we needed to see or hear.
To top it all off, the protagonist is the "meh" emoji. The whole movie is a meh emoji.
Henry Cavill's digitally erased mustache in "Justice League"
If you thought "The Emoji Movie" was cringey, just wait until the FIRST 30 SECONDS of "Justice League."
The film's director, Zack Synder, had to leave the film in a late stage due to family issues, and "The Avengers" director Joss Whedon was brought on to see the film through. Well, the studio took this as a chance to "fix" the movie, which meant a lot of re-shoots.
The re-shoots were so extensive that they went well beyond the allotted time, so one of the film's stars, Henry Cavill (Superman), had already moved on to shooting the next "Mission Impossible" which required him to sport a giant, bushy mustache. So what did Warner Bros do? Move ahead with re-shoots anyway and attempt to digitally erase the mustache.
In 2017, the result could've been good, but there just wasn't enough time to get it right before the film's release, so now it will go down in history as one of the worst uses of visual effects ever.
Harvey Weinstein's existence
It's been a shocking, upsetting, and necessary few weeks.
The realization of Harvey Weinstein's systematic sexual assault of young women has shaken Hollywood to its core, but will hopefully foster real change. The list of names that have followed Weinstein's is still growing, and the fallout can be felt in every aspect of film and TV.
Harvey Weinstein is not only 2017's biggest movie fail, he's a failure for the entire 40 years of his career.
Directors of "Solo: A Star Wars Story" get fired
The Han Solo origins movie is doomed.
The "21 Jump Street" and "The Lego Movie" directing team of Phil Lord and Christopher Miller were fired by Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy well into production for creative differences. Known for their action/comedy films, it's likely this creative difference was seeing Han Solo as a comedic character.
I can't imagine how you get that far in the process before realizing there's a divide in vision, but a breaking point was reached with this movie. Disney then turned to Oscar-winner Ron Howard to complete principal photography, as well as direct re-shoots and oversee post production.
As a result we're likely to get a messy, patchwork film that shifts tone violently and struggles to hold together a plot through many deleted scenes. On top of all this behind the camera shifting, the film's star Alden Ehrenreich had to receive instruction from an on-set acting coach due to his underwhelming performance.
Oscars Best Picture mixup
You probably forgot the big Oscars mix-up happened this year but it did, and it was ridiculous.
To summarize, Warren Beatty took the stage to read the winner for Best Picture, but was handed the envelope for Emma Stone's Best Actress win instead. The envelope had the name of her film "La La Land" printed beneath her name so, unsure what to do, the 80-year-old actor read the movie title, assuming that was the picture that won.
Turns out that was incorrect and Academy Awards staff rushed the stage to figure out what the hell was going on, with one of the now non-Oscar winning producers of "La La Land" quickly taking charge and declaring "Moonlight" the real winner.
The reaction photos of celebs in the audience rival the beauty of Renaissance paintings. Jaws were on the floor, and pearls were clenched.
Award shows are largely boring, so just the fact that SOMETHING happened is great, though it came at the expense of "La La Land" producer's emotions and painfully having to give back the physically representation of their peer's respect. Fail City.
With the Oscars just around the corner, you can be sure to expect lots of cute jokes. The host will make a joke to break the tension right off the bat that will go over well, and I suspect one of the presenters will make a joke that will give a lot of people a PTSD flashback and not go over well.
"Ghost in the Shell" whitewashing
This one isn't rocket science. "Ghost in the Shell" is a Japanese manga that got adapted into a big screen movie, but the main character of Major Motoko Kusaragi is played by Scarlett Johansson.
The Media Action Network for Asian Americans dug into the movie hard because there's literally no reason the character couldn't have been played by a Japanese actress.
And you might be thinking "Well big action movies need big action stars, so it makes sense they'd want someone like ScarJo even though she's not Japanese." Lot of good that did -- the movie lost about $60 million. Lesson learned?
"Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" cripples its production company
Speaking of flop sci-fi movies, "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" flopped so hard it just about crippled it's indie production company, Europacorp.
With an estimated budget of $180 million, it's the most expensive independent film ever made. That's one hell of a gamble that landed the company in an extremely tough spot. Not only did they have to sell off their French television division, but their CEO resigned and they're scaling back the number of films they do a year dramatically.
That's the equivalent of putting your rent money on black at the roulette table, losing, and having to eat ramen noodles for the next month.
"The Mummy" and the failure of the Dark Universe
This story is about why "bandwagoning" is a bad thing.
Following the initial success of Marvel's shared universe, every other movie studio said "Ok, let's just do that and we'll make a billion dollars." So now we've got the DC cinematic universe, which makes sense because it's the other major comic book, but then Universal Studios, having no comparable franchise, decided to run with its slate of classic horror stories like Dracula, The Wolfman, The Invisible Man, and The Mummy.
In 2014, they rolled out "Dracula Untold" figuring that's putting their best foot forward. At 23% on Rotten Tomatoes, this was not the launch pad Universal was hoping for. Fast forward to 2017, and they got Tom Cruise to star in "The Mummy". "NOW we've got it" one executive surely said, as the dump-truck of money arrived at Cruise's house.
Strike two, and now the entire "Dark Universe" is in question. The top producers overseeing the universe, Alex Kurtzman and Chris Morgan have departed, leaving the fate of "The Bride of Frankstein," "The Invisible Man" (Johnny Depp), and "The Wolfman" (Javier Bardem) unknown. On paper, this universe seems like a good idea, especially with big stars in the lead, but Universal just can't deliver on a leg to stand on.
The need to establish a shared universe set up "The Mummy" for failure. "Iron Man" is a great movie not because it perfectly weaves with 20 years of movies that follow, but because it's a movie that's so good it makes you WANT 20 more years of movie. Can you tell I wanted this to work out?
"Olaf's Frozen Adventure" short movie before Pixar's "Coco"
Pixar has been putting pretty adorable short films in front of their features for a while, but now it's getting out of hand.
Audiences expecting to see the movie "Coco" were first shown a 21 MINUTE musical short film starring Olaf from "Frozen." Families were reportedly leaving theaters in confusion, thinking they'd wandered into the wrong movie.
It's not even that "Olaf's Frozen Adventure" is that bad. It's since aired on TV (where it was originally meant to be shown), and it fared much better. In all fairness though, when you're not expecting a 21 minute musical, it's very off-putting.
That's right, you. This summer had the worst movie attendance in over a decade, which means you likely didn't see some or all of the movies I'm talking about.
Complaining about movies is fun, but you don't earn the right to do so unless you actually see the movies.
*Puts away soap box*
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