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If you mess with the geese, you're gonna get the beaks


Getting Goosed

They say "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." They don't say "What's good for the goose doesn't matter because geese are vicious hell-beasts determined to fly directly at you, feather dust your face while hyperfocusing on pecking your delicious eyeballs out." They should say that second one more.

You heard it here first: Seagulls are assholes

I have a theory as to why birds hate us. What's the expression we use when something's bad? It's "for the birds". Of course they're going to want to seek revenge! I propose we brainstorm some new, bird-inclusive sayings. I'll just toss one out: "That's worm meat!"

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